My fridge freezer is 9 years old and I can’t begrudge its retirement but I find myself working out how to gainfully cook the defrosted contents on this day of rest. The temperate evacuees sit on my work surface begging my attention and creativity like a horribly misjudged ready-steady-cook bag. In the salvageable category there is sweet pastry, filo pastry, puff pastry, meatballs, chicken and cheese. Less fortunate (and less identifiable) comestibles are mercifully relegated to the bin.

Happy on the outside

Filo? I didn’t even realise I had filo pastry. For the uninitiated filo is the devils work to make and that’s why it’s perfectly respectable, indeed expected, to buy ready made sheets from the supermarket. A trawl through my recipe books found plenty of recipes but all requiring ingredients I didn’t have. Then, en-route to the bin, I noticed a recipe for hazelnut baklava on the side of the pastry box – and here it is…

Ingredients
200g hazlenuts
200g filo pastry
75g butter
200g caster sugar
honey
ground cinnamon
cinnamon stick
lemon juice

The pre-cursor to much washing up I suspect

Instructions

1) Roughly chop the hazlenuts and mix in two teaspoons of ground cinnamon and four of sugar.

Nuts!

2) Melt the butter. I used a ramekin in the microwave.

Mmmm, melted butter…

3) Brush some butter onto the base of a baking dish. Then unroll a sheet of filo (it’s paper thin so be careful) and lay it in the bottom of the dish. Brush the sheet with butter.

A pudding construction site

4) Add another 6 or 7 sheets, placing each on top of the last and buttering each one. Then spread half of the nut mixture evenly over the top layer.

This is going to be filling

5) Place another 3 buttered sheets over the nuts, then sprinkle the rest of the nuts into a second later. Add the remaining sheets one by one buttering as you go. If you are me (stupid) now use a knife to trim the pastry over spill from the sides of the dish. Alternatively you could trim the sheets to dish size prior to placing them. Doh!

Trim it first. Doh!

6) Now carefully use a sharp knife to slice this pale Greek odyssey into bite sized portions – you will find it hard once cooked. Diagonals are more traditional but square is lazier and quicker. Sprinkle the surface with water to minimise the risk of burning and place in the oven at 190 degrees for around 30 minutes.

Pale, pasty and half-cut - like an English tourist on a Corfu beach

7) While the dish is in the oven make a syrup. Put the sugar, 200ml of water, a cinnamon stick and 3 teaspoons of lemon juice in a pan and simmer for 5 minutes. Then add a three or four heaped teaspoons of honey and simmer for a further 5 minutes.

Still nothing healthy in sight

8) When the baklava is baked and golden remove it from the oven and after 10 minutes of cooling pour the syrup over.

Καλημέρα!

9) When it’s cool eat a slice, forget it’s January and dream of warmer Aegean climes.

By Zeus, it actually looks like baklava!

The result is an authentic tasting sticky Greek treat – very scoffable without ever quite meeting the heights of the Greek Easter Cake I wrote about a while ago. I would add a little rose water next time and perhaps throw some cloves & cardamom pods into the syrup. Next time? I’ll throw some more filo into my new freezer when it arrives and hope it’s less reliable than the last one.
]]> http://whitemore.wordpress.com/2012/01/29/a-happy-accident/feed/ 1 52.918513 -1.498211 52.918513 -1.498211 TimWhitemore Happy on the outside The pre-cursor to much washing up I suspect Nuts! Mmmm, melted butter… A pudding construction site This is going to be filling Trim it first. Doh! Pale, pasty and half-cut - like an English tourist on a Corfu beach Still nothing healthy in sight Καλημέρα! By Zeus, it actually looks like baklava! http://whitemore.wordpress.com/2012/01/12/underneath-the-arches/ http://whitemore.wordpress.com/2012/01/12/underneath-the-arches/#comments Thu, 12 Jan 2012 21:21:39 +0000 Tim Whitemore http://whitemore.wordpress.com/?p=3358 ]]> Every town has at least one market and London, being a rather sizeable town, has, erm, well how many exactly? Being the lazy researcher that I am I asked Wikipedia how many markets there are in London and it’s around 60. Except it’s not – there are many more. But you get the drift.

The names of some slip off the tongue and I have previously written about the Brick Lane, Spitalfields and Petticoat Lane markets, plus the foodie Borough market but famous doesn’t always mean good. This week for example, I visited Portabello Market which despite calling itself one of the top London tourist destinations was almost completely full of overpriced tat and patronised exclusively by hundreds of Italian tourists. Somebody is doing a good job of marketing the place in Rome.

Via Potabello

So I don’t want to inflict Portabello Market on you when there’s a new and exciting market developing around Maltby Street on the South bank beneath the railway arches that extend westward into London Bridge station. I picked up on this place thanks to a London Evening Standard article a few months ago and it sounded worth a visit.

When you think of business operating beneath railway arches you expect them to be dodgy, dirty places trading cars or knock-off goods but that’s not the case here. For starters the arches have been spotlessly cleaned and there’s a new wave of clientele here – young foodie businesses selling things that are organic or home made.

Going underground

There’s artisanship here and most of the customers have walked or cycled from home to pick up something special for the weekend.

Lets have a butchers

Say cheese

Perhaps 20 percent of the arches are occupied but there are signs of ongoing renovation in some and I can’t help thinking take-up here is going to rocket. That’s one of the nice thing about London – it’s so big that if a small number of people start something then like-minded folk will swell the ranks and before you know it there’s a whole community.

Fruit and veg

I love the fact that there’s a very genuine, homely feel about the stall-holders an their produce.

Squashtastic!

This is an antidote to the cynical merchandising of the Portabello Road Market.

Give us our daily bread

Perhaps most exciting for me is the discovery of The Kernel brewery under one of the arches on Druid Street. I had never heard of this outfit despite my well documented interest in real ale & pubs. I learn that The Kernel has but a week ago been named “Brewer Of The Year” by the British Guild of Beer Writers and take it from me – they deserve it. Admittedly they tend towards the stronger darker brews that I favour but just their range of ales is mouthwatering…

The Kernels recipe

I’m not a heavy drinker and certainly not one for a jar at lunchtime but… oh go-on then. I chose their weakest – the Pale Ale on tap at 5.3% and it was just divine!

Oh go on then

We’re going to hear a lot more about The Kernel, I’m sure. Let’s hope the Derby beer festival organisers are reading this blog. There’s good looking coffee down the road, but wouldn’t an Imperial Brown Stout (9.8% !) be more fun?

...or you could have had this

And that’s Maltby Street, but I’m already looking forward to my next visit. Afterwards I strolled west to Borough Market which – despite its huge popularity – has retained a level of integrity. The South Bank just gets better.
]]> http://whitemore.wordpress.com/2012/01/12/underneath-the-arches/feed/ 0 52.918513 -1.498211 52.918513 -1.498211 TimWhitemore Via Potabello Going underground Lets have a butchers Say cheese Fruit and veg Squashtastic! Give us our daily bread The Kernels recipe Oh go on then ...or you could have had this http://whitemore.wordpress.com/2012/01/08/the-virtual-tourist/ http://whitemore.wordpress.com/2012/01/08/the-virtual-tourist/#comments Sun, 08 Jan 2012 20:54:06 +0000 Tim Whitemore http://whitemore.wordpress.com/?p=3309 ]]> It’s hard to believe that I have only had a smart phone for 9 months. Looking back this was a pivotal point in my evolution, akin to man’s discovery of fire, the invention of the wheel or realisation that my hair looks ridiculous without taming gel.

Discovery of fire – in a tuba in Leicester Square

Last Year I wrote a guide to London. Now I’m back for my annual period of restoration and discovery but this time I’m armed with this ultimate guidebook. It even makes phone calls. With all of this firepower at my disposal I‘m understandably keen to find out how my HTC can improve the London experience.

My pocket advisor is already on the case as I make the journey south. The National Rail Enquiries journey planner live departure board informs me my train will arrive on time (surprisingly). It also tells me how the journey is progressing against schedule more accurately than the on-board train announcer’s updates.

Getting there

Once in the capital I find two Android travel apps to be indispensable. The Tube Map by MX Data is brilliantly simple. It displays an interactive tube map (nice) and if you enter a departure and arrival station it tells you the most efficient route and likely duration. This proved enlightening when I had more than one route option as you can’t infer distance or duration from the tube map. Additionally if you register your Oyster card details the app will tell you your balance.

The other travel app called PubTran from App Brain is less satisfying to look at but a more comprehensive beast altogether. It looks at all transport options including tube, over-ground train, bus and even boat. You enter start and end locations (plus departure time if not imminent) and you get a full travel itinerary plus timings, with respect to life traffic updates. The maps are static and a little bulky but that’s a minor criticism. Overall, this is a superb app.

View better from the top deck of a bus

They say the best way to get around London is by foot. The ubiquitous Google Maps (for Android) is slick and powerful although you are always reliant on a decent GPS signal in order for it to work out exactly where you are. At one point while on the South Bank the Google map positioned me in the middle of the Thames, which was amusing but unhelpful. The latest version now enables map displays including 3D profiles, so a high rise looks different to a bungalow. I just found this a hindrance but you can easily switch to 2D mode. For me the most useful features – above and beyond general mapping – were:

• Landmark labelling – you can see what’s around the corner and this aids discovery
• Navigation – if you give it a destination it plots a pedestrian sat-nav route
• Direction – simple though it may seem the basic compass feature is great when you are at a crossroads but aren’t sure which is north and which is south

An example of discovery – I’ve been staying at the City Road Travelodge for 3 years now and only now with an aerial map did I realise there’s a cricket pitch slap-bang right opposite the hotel on the border of the financial district.

Artillery Company Museum: Behind this...

...is this: Bunhill Fields

I went for a browse and it was gated off which seemed a shame given the shortage of green space in the city.

What to do when in London? I usually cast an eye at TimeOut but this year I have the TimeOut for Android app. It allows you to search by location and entertainment category but for me there were some niggles. It was admirably simple to use but perhaps a little light on features, while crucially it didn’t seem to pick up on my GPS location. It’s a new app and I’m sure improved versions will be on the way.

If you’ve been to London in the past 3 years you can’t fail to have noticed the propagation of Barclays bikes – better known as Boris Bikes after the frothing mayor of London Boris Johnson. Under this scheme anyone can rent one of the 6000 bikes (soon to be 8000) from any of the unmanned rental hubs that dot the city. If you want to know what I thought of the bikes themselves you’ll have to read my next blog as I’m sticking to the tech here. I downloaded the official Barclays Bike app which aims to:

• explain the scheme
• tell you where the bike hubs are
• tell you how many bikes and free bike docks there are at each hub
• provide navigation between hubs

I already understood the scheme having visiting the TFL website but the app included usage videos for the uninitiated. The facility to find maps was very poor. You just get a crowded map of London on the screen with countless hub icons overlayed in one confusing continuous mass. There are no zoom controls and it took me a while to realise I had to “pinch” the screen to control zoom levels. Furthermore when I downloaded the app in Derby a few weeks ago the map unhelpfully centred in on Derby and I couldn’t easily move to a London view to see the hubs there. Very poor.

Thankfully the hub consoles are better conceived than the smartphone app

The route planning capability was also flawed as it plotted out against main roads where there were quieter and more direct cut-throughs. Also, why not incorporate audible sat-nav instructions to make navigation a hands-free affair? Searching for a destination by text was flaky and once you had your route it was lost and forgotten if you navigated away from the screen.

The only positive things I have to say about the app are that it does tell you where the hubs are and also provides indicative numbers of bikes and empty docks at other stations. This app needs a lot more work and I’m convinced some independent developer can or has written a better app, assuming that there’s a half decent API available.

So far the apps have been all about planning and organisation but here are some softer angles. When you travel somewhere how do you find out what is happening at a local level out of the gaze of guidebooks and travel review websites? As a twitter user my social network extends beyond my home area, although I don’t have any regular London correspondence. A simple word search however (with or without Hashtags) soon enables you to find out what local people are up to. I searched for tweets including the words “Shoreditch” or “Hoxton” and soon found out what people were talking about and where they were going. I even exchanged tweets with a local about venues.

Twitter: Immediately share that spontaneous picture with the world

Another app I use is Four Square which enables you to check into places in a rather sad and pointless way. One benefit (possibly the only one) is that you can read the comments that other 4sq users have made about locations. Check into Derby railway station for instance and somebody points out that a radio cab firm 50m away is cheaper than the stand right outside the station (I paid £4 vs probably £6 in a yellow cab). At Borough Market I was overwhelmed with eating choices but so many people on 4sq raved about the chorizo, pepper and rocket ciabattas from the Brindisa stall that I followed their advice. They were not wrong!

Chorizo, pepper & rocket in ciabatta. Yes please!

My final app isn’t really a travel app as such but I used it on a few occasions so it gets a mention. On first appearances Shazam is something of a gimmick. This app claims to be able to identify any music by recording 20 seconds of it. I’ve grown quite fond of Shazam because it’s such a clever and impressive app. If I find myself in a shop or a pub and there’s music that I like I can find out the track and artist. What’s more it seems to work even in poor conditions when there’s background noise.

In summary there can be no doubt that the use of a range of apps on a smart phone has enabled me to travel more effectively and opened up opportunities I would otherwise have missed out on. Of course you can spend far too long staring into your phone rather than taking in your surroundings. The trick is to familiarise yourself with the apps before you go so you’re not trying to suss them out later, and to rapidly dispense with the ones that don’t deliver.

Applications and connectivity will only improve and once they combine ease of use and quality of information with speed of delivery we will find ourselves reaping the full benefits of them with the minimum imposition on our valuable travel time. I suspect that there’s a lot more to come…
]]> http://whitemore.wordpress.com/2012/01/08/the-virtual-tourist/feed/ 3 52.918513 -1.498211 52.918513 -1.498211 TimWhitemore Discovery of fire – in a tuba in Leicester Square Getting there View better from the top deck of a bus Artillery Company Museum: Behind this... ...is is this: Bunhill Fields Thankfully the hub consoles are better conceived than the smartphone app Twitter: Immediately share that spontaneous picture with the world Chorizo, pepper & rocket in ciabatta. Yes please! http://whitemore.wordpress.com/2011/12/13/fromhumbleorigins/ http://whitemore.wordpress.com/2011/12/13/fromhumbleorigins/#comments Tue, 13 Dec 2011 22:23:28 +0000 Tim Whitemore http://whitemore.wordpress.com/?p=3284 ]]> One of the many advantages of having parents with an allotment is coming home to find that lovely fresh veg has appeared in my kitchen as if by magic. Another is the diversity of produce that I might not otherwise partake of. With the festive season upon us it seemed appropriate to find Jerusalam Artichokes amongst the haul. These are root vegetables and not to be confused with those flashy Globe Artichokes one often sees.

The Jerusalem Artichoke is an almost entirely unheralded treasure and yet it has this wonderful, unique flavour. I don’t recall seeing them on sale in the supermarkets or on any restaurant menu. Why is there no room at the inn for this shining star?

I think I might have an answer. This is what I cooked with them…

Ingredients
500g Jerusalem artichokes
150ml créme fraiche
1 Lemon
1 Garlic clove
Breadcrumbs
Thyme
Parmesan

Fresh from the soil

Instructions

1) The fun starts here. All the cook book advice I have read says you should peel artichokes. Can you see the problem with this?

All shapes and sizes

I tried peeling one with a small sharp knife and it took ages. Then I tried cutting off the nodules but soon realised there was nothing much left. In the end I settled for scraping the skins off.

...much later!

This is still an effort but entirely worth while. In all probability you could simply scrub them and leave the skins on as they are reasonably thin.

And I wonder if this is why you don’t see them in the shops. They grow very happily in British conditions so supply can’t be the problem but maybe supermarkets think the odd shapes will deter people from buying them.

2) Slice the artichokes to pound coin width and layer into a baking dish.

No crib for a bed

3) Now make a sauce. Grate some parmesan and finely chop the garlic.

In the mix

Take the créme fraiche stir in the garlic, the parmesan and the juice of half a lemon. Finally chop a little thyme and stir that in too

Its all coming together

Pour the sauce over the sliced artichokes.

4) Now grate some more parmesan and mix it up with the breadcrumbs. Optionally mix in some more chopped thyme and a little grated lemon zest. Sprinkle this over the dish and drizzle some olive oil.

Keep the faith...

5) Whack it in the oven at 220 degrees for 30 minutes. Keep an eye on the surface and if the breadcrumbs are golden after 20 minutes cover with tin foil to prevent burning.

Behold, a miracle!

And there we are – an immaculate conception. I can testify that this tastes heavenly. A star is born!

Globalisation and the age of electronic communication have fuelled the relatively recent explosion in the adoption of English, even if it now comes in such a variety of flavours. It is a living entity with a capacity to continuously renew itself. Presently the OED lists 250,000 words. Scrabble has never been so contentious.

With such a volume of words to choose from you might think that there must be no need to invent new ones. This didn’t prevent Douglas Adams & John Lloyd making hay with The Meaning Of Liff. There is an unparalleled joy for many of us in making up new words to suit (or not) the occasion.

What does it all mean?

One such occasion inviting of this creativity is the usage of Twitter. For the uninitiated (oh DO get with it) this platform enables you to broadcast messages to sufficiently interested people anywhere on the sole condition that you don’t exceed 140 characters. Such a simple proposition but nicely challenging – how do you communicate effectively when you are tied down in this way? How do you construct a short but meaningful message that targets the intended audience yet leaves some wriggle room for expression?

Twitter provides us with the simple joys of the #hashtag whereby any word/phrase preceded by # can be used to frame a message or filter for a subject. This week I stumbled upon the custom dictionary within my mobile phone and learned two things:

• When I type a hashtag in twitter it appears to get added to my custom dictionary
• The hashtags you use present an intriguing summary of your personal interests and proclivities.

And so a whole new offshoot of language is spawned – one that is entirely reflective of the author. At times the hashtag captures a wider discussion trend and on other occasions it carries no apparent understandable meaning but sits in isolation – a curious memento of some forgotten conversation. Some hashtags take on a life of their own as people adopt them to form little communities. It just goes to prove that language isn’t a monolith but a democracy – if enough people like a word or phrase it will embed itself in the vernacular, irrespective of “Queen’s English”.

Not amused

Here’s what I found in my custom dictionary. I doubt that the Queen would be amused…

Perhaps this appears to be some journey of self-indulgence. And maybe it is. But I know plenty of people take real enjoyment in stretching the boundaries of the English language. Besides, this is my blog so I get to have the last word.
]]> http://whitemore.wordpress.com/2011/11/10/whats-in-a-word/feed/ 0 52.918513 -1.498211 52.918513 -1.498211 TimWhitemore What does it all mean? Twitter Not amused http://whitemore.wordpress.com/2011/09/01/damson-cheese/ http://whitemore.wordpress.com/2011/09/01/damson-cheese/#comments Thu, 01 Sep 2011 18:00:56 +0000 Tim Whitemore http://whitemore.wordpress.com/?p=3208 ]]>

If Ambrosia is the food of gods then a nice home made jam must surely be the accompaniment of choice.

It has been a good growing season for soft fruits and everywhere I look there’s ripe produce. My parents have a thriving allotment, friends are giving away excess goodies and even my own put-upon fan-tree is churning out more plums than can be comfortably devoured by myself and the nuisance bloody squirrel in my garden.

This particular bank holiday Monday I set about some cookery with a view to denting the plum mountain. I didn’t use the Victorias from my garden – great for eating but something of a waste in jam. Nor did I call upon the freebies that still occupy my fridge. Instead I defrosted a carrier bag full of damsons I was given last year. This might sound perverse – using frozen fruit when there’s fresh stock available. Not at all, not only did they keep amazingly well but the freezing process helpfully broke down the insides and that helps the jam making process.

Fresh damsons - intense - magnificent

But I’m not making plum jam, I’m making Damson Cheese. Let me explain – this is jam to all intents and purposes but it is more solid than conventional jam – ie: it can be sliced like cheese. That’s as far as it goes – don’t think you can add this to pizza. It is also incredibly simple to make – damsons are rich in pectin so you don’t need any setting agent.

Ingredients
Damsons
Granulated sugar

I have withheld on quantities because you have to taste your way around this one. That said I ended up using 500g of sugar for 1.2kg of fruit and this was about right for me.

Instructions

1) Wash the plums and throw away any bad fruit

Colander full of fruity goodness

2) Place the damsons in a large pan along with approx 150ml of water per kg of fruit, bring to simmering point.

Release the goodness

3) Once the fruit has softened and broken down take the pan off the heat and let cool slightly before mashing the pulp through a sieve into another pan. Obviously you are going to have residual stones and skin for which I can offer no use.

This takes a while...

4) Heat the puree. Add sugar gradually, stirring and tasting so you know when the sweetness level is right.

Stir in the sugar

5) I have read various jam recipes and some say you should simmer until the temperature is 105 degrees but I kept stirring until I could move the spoon along the bottom of the pan and the liquid took a moment to cover the tracks. This level of viscosity means it’s ready. Take off the heat and leave until the puree is merely warm.

Ouch - hot! Note my Victorias on the left...

6) Now you are ready to bottle the magic. Old jars can be sterilised by washing them and then leaving them in a 160 degree oven for 10 minutes. If at this point you have not left the jam/cheese to cool enough you will receive a painful reminder as you try to spoon it into the jars.

The label is optional

And that’s it. Damson Cheese can be treated like a traditional sweet jam (try it with Ambrosia) or it makes a suitable condiment to rich meats like venison or bloody squirrel.

• Tenby

So here we are the six of us in a cottage in Tenby, South Wales; me, my parents, my sister & her two boys aged 10 and 12. We are going to spend a happy familial week together doing all the good things that families do and none of the bad things…

I’m the only one who has been to Tenby before, many years ago and I just remember it being very nice, but not why. Tenby is still very nice it has to be said. The Welsh Tourist Council probably call it the jewel in the Welsh Riviera which would be fallacious in at least two important aspects, but we are all in the holiday mood and this traditional seaside town on this stretch of coastline does have all the ingredients for a great family holiday. Weather and family dependent.

North beach baywatch

We spent almost the entire week in Tenby with the North Beach and old shop lined streets a mere pebbles throw from our cottage. The resort has been a tourist retreat since paddle steamers ferried Victorians from Bristol and Cardiff onto a long lost pier in the 1800’s. Our own cottage was built in 1850 and was constructed in part from timbers taken from boats of the time. Nelson once stayed in the town and maritime significance is sustained by two lifeboat stations manned by townsfolk. The pretty harbour is fun to explore by day…

Harbour by day

…and provides a peaceful view at night…

Harbour by night

…with the exception of Thursday when a legion of rowdy A’Level students hit town to celebrate their grades or drown their sorrows.

• Beaches

The central theme for a family holiday has to be the beach. Tenby has two – the imaginatively named North Beach and South Beach. Due to the fabulous location of our lodgings the former can be reached within 5 minutes. By me that is. For a multigenerational family this, optimistically, is a 20 minute extravaganza involving numerous abortive attempts to leave the house, delays looking in shops and at least two arguments between the boys.

In defiance of the MET office we have plenty of sun and therefore plenty of beach weather. The following themes emerge:

Boys running around endlessly. In fact this was also a theme in the street and around the house but the sand was better suited. They are at that wonderful age when a beach has no horizon…

Beach boys

The older boys also did their fair share of running about throwing and (sometimes) catching a wonderful frisbee that I got free with a pack of Kelloggs Frosties about 30 years ago. “Tony’s soaring saucer” – it’s Great!

Chasing shadows

When we ran out of energy for this I took my father on at boules. Obviously I let him win…

Beach boules

It was after one extended sweaty game in the full glare of the oft-so reluctant summer sun that I noticed my father unzipping his fleece. I have long since failed to be surprised by this sort of behaviour from a man who without supervision would be floor-walking the beach in a shirt and tie.

Obviously there were sand-castles to be built and all four men/boys undertook projects that kept them quiet for a while.

Pig castle

I was particularly proud of my own creation

• Creatures

South Wales isn’t playing ball. It might not be unbroken beach weather but there is never a proper wet weather day so we decide to have a token wet weather afternoon anyway as a respectful nod towards holidays of yore. Silent World (renamed The Cacophony Dinhouse following our trip) is an aquarium/reptile centre set in the improbable confines of a deconsecrated church. It had all the makings of a 70s heavy metal album cover as we headed up through the overgrown graveyard towards the Gothic entrance.

For those about to rock...

Downstairs there are fish, crustaceans and my personal favourites, the axolotls salamanders from Mexico – a kind of missing link between sea creature and land lubber. Upstairs the rock album theme continues with hairy great spiders and various snakes. A rather bored looking Boa is trotted out for a handling session and the boys take it in turns to wear the put upon creature.

Snakes in a church

Fortunately the boys had been fed and so the snake was in no immediate danger.

• Castles

When in Wales you have to visit at least one of the many castles and the nearby town of Pembroke has a belter. The walls and towers are largely intact and three sides of the fortifications are surrounded by water. This is a proper castle and not one of the piles of stones you sometimes come across. Henry VII was born here apparently. Or something.

Pembroke castle

• Walking

I’ve done ever so well, really I have, but come Friday I can not longer hang around for 2 hours in the morning while people gradually surface and then pontificate over plans for the day. With enthusiastic relish I’m off out of the door to saunter by foot over to Saundersfoot. That didn’t really work did it. Anyway, the sun is out, there’s a coastal path and I have miles in my legs, although only four of them will be required. Miles, not legs.

Tenby ahoy!

There are some fine views of Tenby as I walk northwards. The route is well trodden albeit steep in places and it is refreshing to walk on my own in a bubble of tranquillity. A couple of tiny coves en-route could easily entrap me for the day but I don’t stop for long. It’s relatively quiet except for the odd dog walker until my bubble is burst by an arguing family. It brings a smile to my face!

Solitude

What to say about Saundersfoot? It has a decent beach but there’s not enough else there to keep me for long, although one shop does stock some very special merchandise…

HMS Bunnykins

A bus has me back in Tenby within 15 minutes. Sister has been shopping, boys have been to an arcade and parents have taken inspiration from an advert in Monks & Monking magazine and caught a boat to nearby monastic Caldey Island. Everyone is happy.

• Family

You might notice that I have so far failed to comment on the whole family thing. Where to start? Here’s some insight into the family dynamic:

Father: Fixated by the old hardware shop next to our cottage. He keeps trying to lure me into unrewarding conversations about plasticiser though quite why he covets this substance is beyond me. Another longer held obsession is string. One morning I find that the frayed old ribbons struggling to secure my beach mats have been rendered obsolete by the string fairy. Even my laptop charger gets the dad treatment as it is once again coiled into its pristine pre-retail form.

Just like new

His poor hearing is a regular frustration. One morning I sit opposite him to drink tea and eat breakfast. After 5 minutes of talking to him he looks up from his paper startled – “oh, I didn’t see you come in!”. He is the only person I know with stronger pudding leanings than myself.

Mother: If by some freak of nature we had found ourselves collectively sucked into a black hole and ejected onto the stark plains of a planet in some parallel universe my mother would still spout forth a stream of superfluous facts about our new environs. She would also invariably claim that we all came here when I was 2 years old and do I remember.
She has a need for cartographic satiation wherever we might be. Her procrastination when holding a camera is hereditary – my grandmother also used to faff around for eons getting people lined up, before eventually stepping back into a bush and then reeling off a shot with the lens cap still on.

Long exposure

Sister: An entirely ridiculous individual both verbally and behaviourally. She inhabits a different time zone to the rest of us and we can only conclude some allergy prevents her from making any decisions. Also: charity shop addiction and a level of pedantry that will drive any reasonable man to his wits end.

10 year old nephew: Will (and does) climb anything. Cannot stay still for five seconds. We shared a twin room and he could be found in a different position each morning (eg: feet on pillow or head hanging off side of bed). Sleeps for England and Wales. Enjoys fighting with 12 year old.

12 year old nephew: Has a Tardis for a stomach. An example of his voracious appetite came on the one evening we ate out when he finished his own (sizeable) meal and then polished off leftovers from three other plates. I dare say he still felt peckish when we got back to the cottage and had a snack. Enjoys fighting with 10 year old.

Me: I just want a peaceful and easy life but it’s not easy when I’m drowning in a seething melting pot of personalities. If I was a little obsessive it was a survival mechanism – a reaction to my environs. I enjoyed doing some cooking this week including freshly made pizza and apple crumble using fruit from the burgeoning trees in the back garden.

Permitted fruit

Food was problematic at times in the week due to different preferences and this tested of my patience because I like fresh food prepared with integrity. I also like a pint of quality real ale in a charismatic old pub which proved elusive in these parts. There were compromises and frustrations aplenty for somebody used to living alone.

• Happy Families?

Yes – a great week was had by all. We laughed (usually at my dad’s expense), we occasionally argued and we did ridiculous things like share the Guardian crossword each day by copying the grid by hand in triplicate. Overall it was refreshing to spend some quality time with each other yet have the freedom to do our own thing when we wanted to.

What can we conclude from proceedings over the last 7 days? Pembrokeshire is lovely when the sun shines. The Welsh know how to build a castle. And the ideal length for a family holiday is approximately 5 days.
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