Chasing Waves

How can you turn away from this?

Cornwall and Surfing. I’ve never thought of one without the other.

My earliest associations go back to family holiday visits to the rocky inlet at Trebarwith Strand where each year I would look on as wetsuit clad figures would crash into the water for better or worse.

Nothing epitomises this life aquatic more than the three young Trebarwithian brothers, bronze skinned and blond curly haired, who would play out each carefree summer in red neoprene between rock and sea. I wonder where they are now.

Spectacular Trebarwith
Spectacular Trebarwith

It remains a mystery as to why I never made it onto a surf board myself. Frisbee and frenetic games of badminton on the golden sands were my distraction at low tide and once the beach was reclaimed by the sea we would scramble high up onto the rocks to watch the waves smash in below in the hope that some thrill seeker would get a soaking on the edges. And then to the long departed and sorely missed House On The Strand for cake and familial ribbing. At least we still have that.


Roll on innumerable years. St Ives lies south of my teenage memories. This picture postcard harbour town is best known for its artisan credentials as underpinned by the prestigious Tate Gallery. The westerly beach at Porthmeor may only provide a subplot to the town’s story but it attracts a small but dedicated chapter of surfers who plough the waves from dawn to dusk.

Early sun over Porthmeor
Early sun over Porthmeor

A daily vigil from the expansive ocean facing window of my hilltop holiday loft apartment is educational. With binoculars on full magnification I am able to sit in on a beginners surf school at the sheltered far end of the beach. An instructor demonstrates the transition from prone through to standing in a single fluid movement, now a well rehearsed reflex. He is almost encircled by a crab-shell arrangement of students who lay restlessly on their land-stricken boards with half an impatient eye on the rolling froth that begs their entry.

First surfers of the day
First surfers of the day

This afternoon I don sandals and make a steep descent to the beach with some camera gear. There are perhaps 20 independent thrill seekers in the water at the closest extent of the cove. To my untrained eye the conditions look a little hairy.

Hanging on
Hanging on

More experienced surfers bide their time. If a wave is too premature they ride over it. Too fully formed and they dive under it. There seems to be a lot of discussion between groups friends. Some barely attempt to ride any waves – their immersion in the rolling brine of Porthmeor purely social.

Doing it right
Doing it right

On this October weekday I have to wonder how surfing fits into people’s personal schedules – work, study or family. I guess if you really want to do something you find a way.

Making it look easy
Making it look easy

For every sculpted ride there are several wipe-outs, some spectacular! I’m traversing the beach with a temperamental zoom lens and the closer I get to the action the more I can smell the adrenaline. There’s a palpable sense of energy in the waves and I completely identify with the urge to connect with it.

It’s not easy!
It’s not easy!

Drawn further towards the breaking surf on a rising tide it’s not long before my sandals become soaked. At least now I can stop trying to dodge the water, but it is colder than I realised. The autumnal sun is frizzling away and my body temperature has plummeted but I still can’t drag myself from this scene. I’m forever holding out for one last action shot.

How can you turn away from this?
How can you turn away from this?

The waters are almost empty now and I catch a few words with one of the departees as he drags his board up the beach. Despite suffering with a cold has he been unable to resist the lure of the surf. With a broad smile he tells me that conditions today are brutal. Those entering the water have done so in spite and not because of conditions. “It’s all good!”.

Until tomorrow...
Until tomorrow…

I’m told to keep an eye on one young guy who is “the one to watch”. He’s confident for sure – out some distance beyond the rest. I reposition myself behind a rock out of a gusty wind that is throwing up white caps of foam in the bay, and zoom in on the maestro at work. Twenty minutes later it is becoming decidedly dark and I am chilled to the bone yet star child has done nothing but tread water.

Lassie go home
Lassie go home

The final stragglers are packing it in for the day and I follow suit, retreating through the gloom towards the faint warming glow of the Porthmeor beach café lights. A waft of stale frying oil floats my way and I’m not holding out much hope for a high quality cappuccino. Warm and wind-free will suffice.


Inside my lack of expectation is met. It’s quiet here now, just a lonesome well-wrapped holiday-maker sipping a hot chocolate and a couple of sandy surfers, their mandatory long hair wet and tangled from the day’s encounters.

Just one more wave...
Just one more wave…

From my window I watch the hillside lights of Porthmeor dot on one by one. The seaward view has assumed a bluish hue of monochrome, broken by the distant lamps of small fishing vessels and crabbers.

One human spec bobs on the surface 40 yards from shore. He’s still out there! Waiting for that perfect wave. The dream that won’t die.

Tourist Attraction

Given the weighty number of famous attractions in London and the sheer volume of information telling us where to go and what to see you might be forgiven for thinking no major spectacle could fly under the collective what’s-on radar of the city. Not so.

There’s a constantly evolving show to be witnessed 52 weeks a year all over the city. I am of course referring to the 18+ million tourists who flock in from around the globe and bring the place alive.


As my 6 months working in London comes to an end I have given the tourist question some thought. Why do they come? What do they enjoy? Why aren’t Londoners having this much fun? Duh, forget that last question…

Different point of view
Different point of view

There is no better place to start off than Westminster where a seething mass of people swarm around the landmarks like MPs around an expense claim form. It’s so busy that I’m immediately suspicious of a solitary photographer – what has he seen that nobody else has?

When will I be famous?
When will I be famous?

Standing with my back turned on Westminster Abbey to face a wall of snappers I wonder if this is what it feels like to be famous. Perhaps I will be soon as holidaymakers share their vacation pictures and wonder why I had to intrude on their field of view. They may even mistake me for somebody famous – Martin Freeman, Hugh Laurie, Beaker off the muppets…

 

Needless to say almost everybody is carrying at least one camera whether it’s a DSLR, bridge camera, compact, phone or tablet and it is their set pieces that unfailingly amuse me…

Mandela - a giant of a man
Mandela – a giant of a man

A statue of Mandela is one of several notable historic figures lining Parliament Square. Nelson stands hands out embracing peace, or perhaps he’s just trying to strangle Big Ben. It’s only natural that a group line up below to do the same.

It's the law
It’s the law

I love witnessing scenes that, despite their clichéd predictability, are genuine and heart warming for those concerned.

Phone Box - looks better than it smells...
Phone Box – looks better than it smells…

To counter the predictable there is always something unexpected to see. A swanky photo shoot looks destined to make the pages of some Japanese wedding magazine. Will a Tokyo bride set her heart on a London ceremony?

Guessing he's a Pole
Guessing he’s a Pole

No sooner have they moved on then a selfie opportunity arises for somebody else. A camera pole makes perfect sense for the solo traveller. We don’t always realise how strong the UK brand is and few icons set the visiting heart aflutter more than a good old red phone box. Alternatively it’s not hard to spot people pretending to post a letter or board a double decker bus as a friend or relative lines them up in the viewfinder.

Stay calm and don't buy anything
Stay calm and don’t buy anything

Needless to say this is fertile ground for merchants of tourist tat. Who seriously buys the “I [heart] London” T-shirts for themselves? Who actually wears the plastic bobby’s helmets? Mind you at £2 I’m tempted myself.

Pizza delivery for number 10
Pizza delivery for number 10

It appears that the tourists are having too much fun elsewhere to get sucked into buying novelty nonsense. Downing Street is portrayed in a sober light on the TV news but right now it’s all smiles as PCs take it in turns to pose for photos.

Dad gets to play horse
Dad gets to play horse

Smiles are strictly forbidden at Horse Guard’s a short stroll further along Whitehall but that doesn’t stop families queuing up to take photos alongside an impassive cavalryman. I have always felt a pang of sympathy for the young men who have to stand for hours in full regalia in all weather while they are photographed. Are they laughing inside at some of the antics or are they a pin drop away from creating a diplomatic incident with their bayonet…

The Griswold family vacation
The Griswold family vacation

Trafalgar Square is a tourist mecca so if you are into street photography this is a turkey shoot. An American family takes a break. The boys are hyper, mom has stopped to take bearings (again) and dad has this resigned look that says “I’m keeping out of this”.

School's out
School’s out

You see lots of groups here. What memories will members of this school party take home with them? Whether it is the treasures of the National Gallery (as envisioned by parents and teachers) or an induction to the “unique” fish and chips experience I like to think their adventure will live long in the mind.

Don't make it angry
Don’t make it angry

With so much of the world now on the tourist map I suspect that Britain still offers something a little different to the seasoned traveller. Where else can you queue up to clamber onto a national monument without even a sideways look from the authorities?

Silver Ghost
Silver Ghost

Let’s not kid ourselves you could witness some of the street performances in any continent but it feels like there’s less wariness here. People seem uninhibited and are eager to be drawn into the action.

Much ado about bathing
Much ado about bathing

Leicester Square plants the biggest smile on my face. As I bask in the strong afternoon sun a South American couple settle on the adjacent bench and their young children go to play in the fountain that encircles William Shakespeare. The little girl is having the time of her life playing in the water, mum is laughing along and dad is capturing it all on camera for future enjoyment.

Copping an ice cream
Copping an ice cream

A street party on Regent Street means that it is closed for traffic on this hot summers day. I grasp the sense of adventure visitors must feel as they walk across what amounts to a virtual monopoly board. So many familiar names and places and now the real thing.

Keeping them in suspense
Keeping them in suspense

Covent Garden seems to be crammed full of visitors at any time of day. They are lapping up the entertainment and who can blame them? This wasn’t in the tourist guide.

Serenaded to the collection hat
Serenaded to the collection hat

Downstairs tourists are serenaded by an ensemble of professional musicians who perform with infectious spirit. An enthusiastic applause echoes around the chamber and it’s clear that people want to be involved with what they are seeing. It also appears that Americans are the best tippers.

Painted lady
Painted lady

Outside it goes on and on. The day is starting to catch up with me but there’s an endless wave of energy bouncing off people having a great time. Do they ever tire? Well I do and it’s time to catch the 87 bus and take in many of today’s sights from the top deck on my way home.

Gawd bless you!
No caption required

Of course, it’s never over. I have loved the melting pot of nationalities, languages and cultures on my walk – a cosmopolitan sea of humanity. I have loved watching people take such joy from performances, places and objects that would fail to stir a glance from so many residents. And I have loved individuals like this gentleman for providing me with such visual entertainment. Gawd bless you guvnor!

Does anybody have more fun in London than the tourists?

Working from home?

They say that job hunting is a job in itself. After a few months away from it all I can vouch for this as I get serious about resuming my career. I treat weekdays as workdays and consider myself to be working from home.

In my previous jobs I worked from home from time to time and really appreciated it. The opportunity to have an extra hour in bed and yet start working at the same time. The chance to really focus on complicated problems without distraction. The knowledge that I can spend an extra half hour getting over the finish line without worrying about straying into the evening rush hour. My employers benefitted too from my extra productivity and, in many cases, extra hours.

The WFH commute
The WFH commute

Now, well, it’s different. When every working day is a WFH day I miss the invigorating 15 minute walk to the office in the fresh morning air. OK it was a noisy, polluted march in all weather along a litter strewn artery of Nottingham taking care to avoid smug-as-you-like cyclists hogging the pavement despite an on-road cycle lane two yards away. But now my journey involves 10 paces and I’m hardly alert or stimulated for the day ahead.

The sort of thing I used to encounter on my walk into work
The sort of thing I used to encounter on my walk into work

The lack of exercise has turned me into a pent-up coil of potential energy and any opportunity to get up from my chair is welcome. If I’m expecting a delivery the twang of the letterbox hurls me downstairs in a state of unwarranted enthusiasm, only to discover yet more straight-to-bin junkmail – a previous focus for my attention.

Straight to bin – a mad world
Straight to bin – a mad world

It’s not just the letterbox. There are more home interruptions during the day than I had realised. Today alone I’ve had the Jehovas witnesses, a marketing cold call and a wrong number from somebody less well versed with the English language, which is a shame because I can go all day without talking to anybody and then when somebody does ring we are incommunicado.


Sometimes I’m in the zone and all is well but on other occasions distractions seem to be everywhere,for good and for bad. On the good side the birds have been holding some sort of happy convention in my garden this week and I’ve left the window ajar to listen into their joyous cacophony. The two squirrels in my garden may be infuriatingly naughty, what with their pillaging of my bulbs, upending of pots and suspected drug dealing, but they beat TV for entertainment. My highlight this week was a stand-off on my fence between one of them and a regular feline visitor.

Hey Gringo, this fence is too small for the both of us
Hey Gringo, this fence is too small for the both of us

The bad: The siren call of social media. The contents of my fridge. An irrational (as-yet resisted) desire to watch The Professionals mid afternoon, despite the fact I’m not that interested and could record it if I so wished. Note: If you click one on link today make it The Professionals

I’m also surprised by the amount of comings and going that take place in my street, occurrences I would be oblivious to under normal circumstances:

  • Severn Trent curiously sending 2 workmen to dig a hole in the pavement and throw fag ends into it before filling it in and shooting off. Is this what their waste management policy has come to?
  • Drama in next doors back garden as a crack team of labourers removed all the patio slabs, laid down some sand and then departed to leave me wondering about the end product. The mystery was hardly solved upon their return as they proceeded to replace the slabs, some very obviously the wrong way up, aside from those they managed to smash. To top off this service they left the lawn looking like some recreation of the Somme, deep in mud and without a blade of grass. Unless they were disposing of a body I’m at a loss to explain any of this.

My exposure to all of these unworkly temptations has left me feeling a tad guilty. I’m left with a nagging feeling that full-time working from home lark somehow isn’t right – based purely on my outdated 9-5 office lifestyle of the last 20 years rather than any logic.

No personal clutter allowed on a hot desk!
No personal clutter allowed on a hot desk! This was extreme…

Modern working life is becoming increasingly complicated. Aside from WFH many employees work all sorts of hours, perhaps to satisfy global corporations operating across different time zones. There seems to be an upturn in hot-desking too whereby office workers don’t have their own allocated desk.

In Derby for instance there’s a progressive initiative to increase hot-desking availability to cater for an increasing number of small start-up companies needing a formal environment on an ad-hoc basis, plus I suspect larger organisations reducing their office sizes faster than their work forces.

No doubt I’ll find myself pining for a commute free day once I’m back in the flow of commuter meltdown but for now the grass seems greener on the other side – if not the other side of my fence.

Twas the day before Christmas

Into the woods

I don’t like queueing in traffic. I don’t like shopping when it’s busy. In the build up to Christmas these are the modest first world problems we must face. My trip to the supermarket was played out in slow motion as the chaos unravelled all around me.

Shoppers teetered on the edges of their patience apart from a delightful calm frail old lady, wide eyed and static amidst the frothing sea of madness as if waiting for somebody to lead her across a busy road. Here’s to her! I wonder what she thought of it all…

Twas the day before Christmas
Last chance to shop
I had bought all the presents
This was no time to stop

The food now needs buying
A list had been made
Now out to the supermarket
In the rain I’m afraid

The traffic was portentous
Never such queues
I suppose it was obvious
This day all would choose

To stock up their larders
With seasonal fare
So I held my breath
And for battle prepared

The cars they went nowhere
So I parked up and walked
Past drivers tight lipped
And passengers fraught

A walk through the car park
Though huge, with no space
And into the foyer
Last basket, worried face

Such scenes I have never
Encountered before
Trolleys were bashing
Like uncut Robot Wars

Gripping my basket
I dodged down the aisle
Weaving staccato
Through chicanes with guile

Couples with trolleys
Piled to the hilt
Are they feeding an army
Or feeding their guilt

Screaming young children
I know how they feel
Dragged here unwilling
You got a raw deal

Bewildered old granny
Waiting in line
With patience unworldly
For sherry and wine

To add to the carnage
A bottle is dropped
And aisle 9 is coned off
Until it is mopped

The air hums with tension
And shoppers are stressed
Perish the thought
If it’s not Sainsburys Best

Staff work like trojans
On endless till lanes
Cliff Richard on loop
How do they stay sane

My wait for self-checkout
Is mercifully short
Unrecognised item in bagging area
That didn’t scan like I thought

I fall through the exit
And rain hits my face
I made it in one piece
Survived the rat race!

Twas the day before Christmas
A tale of our time
When we see friends and family
It’s all going to be fine


My thanks to Clement Clarke Moore whose considerably superior parable Twas the night before Christmas was a source of inspiration.

Merry Christmas!

What’s the Alternative?

If you have been anywhere near a TV, radio, newspaper or web browser in the last three months you will have heard about people fighting for democracy in countries across Northern Africa and the Middle East. In general terms they are fighting for the right to elect their chosen government, to kick out the dictators, to determine their own future. In Tunisia and Egypt the transitions were relatively bloodless. In Libya the majority of the population struggles to defend themselves from a better armed minority, the outcome uncertain.

Tunisia - reclaimed
Tunisia – reclaimed

Egypt - reclaimed
Egypt – reclaimed

Libya - wobbling
Libya – wobbling

Rulers in several other countries are cracking down mercilessly on their own people in fear of similar revolutions, but the secret is out and people are beginning to realise that they are not alone, that change IS possible. Another example of social media changing the world, but I digress…

The struggle for democracy

People spanning the entire political and social spectrum are united in their unstoppable desire to live without persecution in a free and democratic homeland. They are prepared to stand side by side and risk everything they hold dear in order to achieve this aim. The basic rights we take for granted, the political systems we feel so alienated by are their shining prize.

The struggle with democracy
We have democracy – yet we are still unhappy about lots of things as was evident be the huge March 26th demonstration in London in protest to government cuts.

Despite our democratic system people feel disenfranchised and ignored by their elected representatives.

 

Last year’s general election was very negative. Labour had completely lost it’s way, the majority of people couldn’t stomach the idea of the Tories but the Liberals weren’t deemed credible enough to take full advantage, hence a hung parliament. A great many people either didn’t vote or they voted tactically – ie: not for who they wanted but against who they didn’t want. There’s a wide held belief that politicians put themselves first, then their parties and finally the voters. Argue the ethics of this as much as you will but…

…until the interests of politicians and voters are aligned then nothing will change.

 

The shape of democracy
I believe that when it comes to the vote “democracy” should fulfill a few basic criteria:

Elect the candidate with the broadest range of support. Presently if there is a 50% turnout of voters and 3 serious candidates (say Con, Lab & Lib) the winner theoretically needs only 17% of the possible votes to win the seat. What sort of moral mandate can this MP claim to have when potentially 83% of the electorate don’t want them in power?
Each vote should hold an exactly equal value. Due to the slicing and dicing of electoral boundaries an MP in one parliamentary constituency needs less votes to claim office than a candidate in another constituency. An extreme example of this is The Western Isles where 22,000 are able to vote vs the Isle Of Wight with 111,000 potential voters. In takes potentially 5 times as many voters to elect an MP in the IOW.
The system should encourage people to vote positively – for the candidate they WANT. In elections now many votes are cast for a party people don’t want in order to oppose a party the want even less

A vote on a vote
On May 5th we the voters will have an extremely rare chance to shift the political landscape and consequently alter the mindset of voters and politicians when it comes to engagement on the issues we care about. On May 5th there will be a referendum where we can vote to introduce a new electoral voting system for electing MPs called the Alternative Vote (AV) or to retain the existing First Past The Post (FPTP) system. As referendum day draws nearer there is a lot of information and disinformation flying around concerning the mechanics of these competing systems and the potential implications of them. Here is my take on all of this.

First Past The Post

Voting process
You get to cast a single vote for a single candidate

And the winner is…
The candidate with the most votes wins, regardless of the number of votes cast

Arguments for…

It’s simple – the candidate with the most votes wins.
The vote count is relatively quick

Arguments against…

MPs can get elected based on low public support
Unless you vote for a party with a serious chance of winning your vote is wasted, leading to…
Tendancy towards high levels of tactical voting

Alternative Vote

Voting process
You can assign order of preference to one or more candidates from the available list.
In more detail: You write a “1” against your preferred candidate and if you have a second choice candidate you can choose to write a “2” against them, and continue if desired with ever increasing numbers against as many different candidates as you wish.

And the winner is…
If one candidate gets more than 50% of the votes they win
If no candidate gets more than 50% of the votes then the last placed candidate (Mr X) is removed from the equation and votes are redistributed to the remaining candidates based on the second choices of those for whom Mr X was number 1 choice.
The above process continues until one candidate gets more than 50% of the votes.
It’s much simpler to visualise this with the Electoral Commission AV voting diagram

Arguments for…

Electoral winners would reflect the majority view of voters.
Tactical voting is eliminated
Candidates will try to appeal to potential second choice voters reducing negative campaigning

Arguments against…

Opponents to AV argue that the system will cost more to administer than FPTP
The additional rounds of voting will mean that the vote count takes longer

Is there an alternative to the alternative?
The long answer is that there are many types of voting system. The Electoral Reform Society website lists ten types for starters, explaining how the rival systems works and their pros and cons. I can’t vouch for the neutrality of this website but it’s worth a read.

Perhaps the most vocally expressed alternative to FPTP and AV is Proportional Representation (PR). Supporters of PR claim that this should be our adopted voting system and not FPTP or AV, which leads us onto…

The short answer is that on May 5th we only have 2 choices, so alternatives to these are irrelevant at this time.

Further Reading

First Past The Post Pro-FPTPhttp://www.no2av.org. I’m trying to keep a straight face and stay neutral on this but the stated arguments for FPTP and against AV smack of desperation. I can’t find many other websites in support of FPTP.
Alternative Vote Pro-AVhttp://www.yestofairervotes.org
Proportional Representation Pro-PRhttp://www.no2av-yes2pr.org

What to do?
I can only speak for myself. I don’t think AV provides a panacea but I do believe it is a significant improvement on FPTP. Imagine voting for your preferred candidate whatever their perceived chance of winning. Even if you know they won’t win you can express your preference but use lower ranking votes to ensure your general wishes are reflected in the overall scheme of things. The potential benefits as I see them?

Parties with wide support that have previously been frozen out by tactical voting will receive all their votes
Candidates have to appeal to all voters so that they can pick up 2nd votes, reducing negative campaigning
A by-product of the above point is that the views of secondary parties are more likely to be adopted by the leading parties meaning that widespread public opinion can no longer be ignored

I don’t believe in abstaining from the vote on the basis that it is not a perfect solution as opportunities for any vote on reform seldom come around. In addition, should FPTP be retained it’s exponents will take this as a mandate to keep things in check for much longer – a bit like the party that takes power with the backing of 25% of the population saying that their “success” is valid.

Most likely you are already familiar with much of the above due to the ever increasing coverage of the forthcoming referendum, so why am I telling you what you already know? Because we need to be proactive in standing up to those who would try to deceive us into uncertainty in the hope we will abstain or vote against change.

When politicians realise that their arguments are full of holes they try to move the debate away from the facts because they know they will lose that battle. Instead they attempt to scaremonger and create uncertainty. This for instance taken from the No to AV website:

The change to AV will cost up to an additional £250 million. Local councils would have to waste money on costly electronic vote counting machines and expensive voter education campaigns.

 

There’s no mention of how they come to this figure – it looks like a number plucked out of the air. And even if the figure was true is cost a reason to forgo democracy? Even then we can play the spin-doctors at their own game and point out that such an outlay would represent a huge boost to employment in these hard economic times.

And this from the No 2 AV – Yes 2 PR website:

The notion of AV as a ‘stepping stone’ to PR is wishful thinking: No country has ever moved from AV to PR.

 

I don’t honestly appreciate the subtleties of PR but suggesting that we should vote no to PR and so provide FPTP campaigners with ammunition they don’t deserve is laughable – in fact it is a prime example of tactical voting – one of the few things that followers of all parties agree is a bad thing. Furthermore the implication that we should forgo evolution because it is not revolution is self defeating and baseless. Finally I can’t help thinking that the people with most to gain from No 2 AV – Yes 2 PR are the FPTP crowd. Is it beyond the realms of possibility that they have covertly put their weight behind this as a means to confuse indecisive voters into a No vote?


So there are no guns pointed at us, our basic freedoms are not withheld from us by the state and we are lucky to be in this situation as others fight for these rights, but I am not complacent about or satisfied with the status quo. The status-quo that sees bailed out bankers on massive bonuses again while swathes of public sector workers are axed. The status-quo that facilitated the MP’s expenses scandal. The status-quo that compels politically savvy voters to vote for candidates they don’t want while a new young generation of voters feel so estranged from modern politics that they don’t bother to vote at all.

The 5th May referendum provides us with an extremely rare chance to cast a positive vote that might just breathe life back into our tired and broken political system.

 

In case you didn’t guess, I will be voting in favour of AV on May 5th. I will be doing so for positive reasons.

Ticket to nowhere

Somebody just won £113m on the lottery this morning. It’s not me. I know this because I don’t buy a ticket, but evidently a lot of other people do, and it got me thinking. Lottery – good or bad?

What do you do with that kind of money if your numbers come up? To be sufficiently wealthy that you don’t have to worry about money and can do almost what you want in life is one thing, but £113m? It seems a gratuitous amount for one person – or even a small syndicate – to win. What are the possible effects on the winner?

It's a numbers game
It\’s a numbers game

We hear about lottery winners who fritter their winnings, hit rock bottom and wish they had never won. I’m sure there are also plenty of very happy, well adjusted winners but there will likely be other issues. Lots of “friends” you didn’t know you had are going to come out of the woodwork and plenty of people will be at hand to offer bad advice. What do you do with your life? Just turn up at work on Monday as if nothing has changed? If you are happy with life as it stands the money thing will probably present some obstacles in terms of other peoples behaviour towards you and the dynamic will change. The most interesting thing about you will be your fortune and it will be the opening line to many conversations. But what about the old Tim?! And do you really want to effectively retire at a young age? What do you do with your life and how do you forge new relationships? How do you re-define yourself?

After a honeymoon period of spending and adjusting to money-is-no-object living will come the realisation that you are still the same person you were before the win, just wealthier. Most of the problems you had before will persist. Depression sufferer? No change. Discordant relationship with a relative? No solution. Worried about the health of a friend? You could pay for their medical treatment but until we are able to defrost Walt Disney we are all the fragile subjects of nature’s whim.

It’s not so much the money but the mode of acquisition. People who have worked from nothing to earn millions understand the value of money and even if they got there with a degree of good fortune they undertook a journey to reach that wealth. There will have been times where they were faced with tough choices – remortgage the house to invest in the business, ostracise themselves to work the hours to further their career, etc. Others faced with the same decisions will consciously have chosen security and sociability ahead of potential wealth. Lottery winners skip this journey and cannot be naturally equipped to deal with the wider impact of the win.

And then there’s the concept of the lottery itself. Huge numbers of people spend a pound, fiver, tenner each week for virtually no return. Sure, but it’s harmless enough. Most people probably do it as a bit of fun. They can sit around the telly in the evening and dream of what might be for a few minutes before they tear up the ticket and head for the kettle. I’m not so sure. Think of the countless people who missed out on a win because they lost their ticket, changed their numbers and their previous numbers came up, or perhaps they want to stop buying a ticket but dare not for the same reason. Then there’s the problem of syndicates. You left the syndicate just before they won? Bad luck. You are a member of a syndicate but are a couple of weeks behind on paying your subs? I’ll take you to court for my share of the winnings. Many non-winners can face emotional turmoil in such circumstances, suffering depression, guilt, stress, broken relationships, deep unhappiness – and for what?

Balls
Balls

Who couldn’t use the £50, £100, £500 a year given to the lottery for something more constructive? Imagine instead channelling that money towards an annual magazine subscription, a day at the races, a spa break in 2 years time or a blow out trip to New York in 5 years time. Or how about if everyone in your neighbourhood channelled their combined annual lottery spend into local projects. Imagine the social transformation you could see on your own doorstep. Perhaps the time is right for the AntiLottery – a non-commercial not-for-profit initiative which sees your money spent within your own postcode on socially inclusive projects chosen by local people.

So is there any reason to buy a lottery ticket? You like a flutter? The chances of wining £113m were 76 million to 1 and I never understand why people flock to buy tickets on rollover week when the odds of a big win lengthen. Better if you must to buy the week after a large claim when it has quietened down and the jackpot is lower. Gamblers don’t do the national or Euro lottery because the odds are dreadful. Do the Irish national lottery or go to a casino where you know the odds and you might have some fun.

Famous two fingered logo
Famous two fingered logo

But Tim you are such a killjoy, it’s not about winning! Think about all of the good causes funded by the lottery. I’m not going to try and defend my bah-humbug mentality (you win) but I would seriously challenge the assertion that doing the lottery is in any way altruistic. Only 28% of your money goes towards “good causes” and you effectively have no say in what these causes are or where they are based. There is a strong argument that the government reduces their funding in some sectors and lets the lottery take some of the strain. Meanwhile the charity sector loses out on public donations that they might otherwise have received. So if it’s charity you are interested in you should give directly and cut out the middle men who take profit, tax and operating costs out of the pot and then decide on their choice of recipient, which may subsequently lose out on government funding as a result.

Would I like to win lots of money? Duh – of course! But it’s not a panacea. Be careful what you wish for. It could be you.

May 6th and all that

Tims shameful contribution

A tough decision awaits us. Three dogs – but only two sacks and two bricks. Which two are you going to bag up and drop overboard in the middle of the lake and which one survives to sleep at the foot of the bed? It’s a tough call, but let’s consider our choices.

The  Red  one we know all about. We have kept it for over a decade and that’s old in dog years. I remember when we first got it as an eager young puppy. It was a lively breath of fresh air after our previous old mutt had to be put down. In recent years though it has become increasingly burdensome and it craps on the carpet with maddening regularity. Let’s face it – things can only get worse.

What about the  Blue  dog that yaps incessantly for our attention? Sure it is oh so eager to please but we all know that carefully coiffured fur coat can barely disguise the mongrel beneath. And my does it eat – what a greedy hound. The rest of us will have to go hungry, and we can’t go on like that.

That just leaves us with the  Yellow  dog. The yellow dog may turn out to be faithful and true, although we don’t really know. It has an unknown pedigree and always seems to lag behind the other dogs in a race. Maybe it’s a little bland but at least it is different and that could be what we need, a real alternative.

Many of us have come to the conclusion that they are all the same, that it doesn’t matter. They would like to drown all three but that’s not going to happen. A small minority of people want a Green dog even though it’s not really a dog at all, or a snarling British bulldog that can’t wait to get off the leash and bite next doors children. Perhaps we should keep cats instead. That’s just crazy right?!

Soon we will all have the chance to decide who’s top dog. One thing’s for sure, until we make our minds up on May 6th the non-stop barking is going to drive us all mad.

The Green Man Returneth

My garden never ceases to amaze me. However much abuse and neglect I heap upon it there is some life force (let’s call it Mother Nature) that fights back and keeps the thing ticking over.

The daffs are back
The daffs are back

The clocks went forward this weekend and with an upturn in the weather and nothing in my diary there was no longer any excuse for me to avoid attending to all of the outdoor jobs that had piled up over winter. What I know about gardening you could write on the back of a seed packet but the annual post-winter clear up is safe territory for me because it is both brainless and rewarding.

This way bees
This way bees

I kicked off by clearing the beds of things that had long since died (mostly plants) and working in the contents of one of my compost bins. Next came the joyous task of clearing the half rotten leaves from the gravel beds followed by the self pity that my back isn’t getting any better at withstanding all the bending over. Finally – the really good bit – burning the winters tree debris in my chimnea.

Winter debris
Winter debris

You wouldn’t believe the size of some of the branches that I find smashed on my lawn each year. I half expect to find some dead wildlife beneath the wreckage. For the really sizeable tree limbs I use a small hand axe to cut them down to chimnea size. Sure it’s overkill but all good man-in-the-garden stuff.

Chimnea ablaze
Chimnea ablaze

Finally as the branches burned I took a while to take a few photos around the garden, breaking only to quell the fire in my tinder pile around the back of the chimnea. I should probably have relocated it before I started the blaze. Ho hum. Nobody tell Welephant.

Pear Tree Buds
Pear Tree Buds

Anyway, I thought I would share a few photos with you to prove I have actually ventured into my back garden this year. Bonus marks to anybody that can identify the fungus I found happily doing whatever fungi does on an orphaned branch.

Moss on the patio
Moss on the patio
Some kind of fungi
Some kind of fungi

Offers to do my real gardening will be gratefully received – just don’t attempt to engage me in conversation about it. There will be complimentary refreshments for the gullible lucky applicant.

An Inconvenient Truth

First we discovered fire, then somebody invented the wheel and now finally – after what seems like a similar wait – Derby has it’s new bus station. A brief recap. The previous station was built in 1933 and while not without a hint of art deco charm it was hopelessly unfit for purpose when it was closed in 2005 in preparation for work on the new facility. There was a fierce and at times comical campaign to keep the old station open on a range of hotly disputed grounds, culminating in a protestor literally taking up residence in a caravan on the ROOF of the old station. I always felt this was strangely poetic after hearing one objector defend the old station on the grounds of “how good it looked from the air” – an unhelpful factor when you are exposed to the elements & trying to find out where your bus departs from.

Old Derby bus station - plus caravan
Old Derby bus station – plus caravan

Five years (!) later and the new bus station is set to open this weekend. Being Derby it obviously comes with yet more drama; various delays; scope change in response to the global financial meltdown; a burst water pipe that flooded the station a week ago. Oh, and the seemingly trivial revelation that the station toilets will cost 20p to use. The quoted rationale is that it is a small nominal fee that will help cover costs and deter people from entering and misusing the facilities, which on the face of it doesn’t sound too unreasonable. It is the wrong decision. Let me explain why…

We like to think of Britain as a civilised society. Our country has invented or championed many social innovations that have earned us a reputation for civility and that to this day leave legacies to the former colonial areas we exploited to our own ends. I remember visiting Sri Lanka and listening to locals talking with genuine pride and enthusiasm about the enduring legacy of road, rail, school and health infrastructure left behind by the British Raj, although they diplomatically failed to mention the fact we nicked their tea & spices. Oops – sorry. Here’s some tourist pounds instead.

New Derby air terminal. I mean bus station.
New Derby air terminal. I mean bus station.

There can be no doubt that following the industrial revolution the nation entered a rocky but golden age of social reinvention, moral introspection and intense philanthropy that to some extent still informs our present day expectations and attitudes.

George Cadbury - hirsute philanthropist & Curley Wurley inventor
George Cadbury – hirsute philanthropist & Curley Wurley inventor

We have learned to expect certain minimum standards in the provision of education, health, civil liberties, democratic governance, etc, etc. These baselines are funded through our system of tax and ensure everyone gets basic healthcare, a right to schooling, bin collection, street lighting and so on. Not everyone agrees on where the baseline should be set or what an acceptable cost is (or profit if the service has been privatised – GRRRR) but I suspect there is a fairly broad consensus that there should be a baseline. The alternative would be a purely market driven society where no money means no medical treatment or education. There are people who would be happy with this every-man-for-themselves scenario and it seems that we have a continual fight on our hands to recognise and protect what we have.

On a related note I was taken aback by the massive opposition the Obama administration faced when trying to get their health bill passed to grant all citizens access to (very) basic state health provision in the year 2010. The argument seems to boil down to the wealthy “haves” not wanting in any way to fund the “have nots” that they might crawl from the bottom rung of society; aspire to more than survival; to have dignity.

So, to the crux of my argument. As I see it social provision falls into three tiers:

  • Mandatory – full provision
    Non-optional services we should all be entitled to that are fully funded by tax and free at the point of delivery.
    eg: Non-lifestyle healthcare, education fees upto school leaving age, access to public toilets
  • Mandatory – infrastructure provision
    Non-optional services we should all be entitled to that where a basic universal requirement is funded by tax and then consumers are charged on the basis of personal usage/consumption
    eg: Water, Electricity, Phone, Transport infrastructures. (Your tax pays for the roads. You personally fund your choice of transport)
  • Personal choice
    Optional services we can take or leave but must fully fund ourselves.
    eg: Sky TV, subscription to Viz comic, Breast implants (I can see a couple of arguments for funding this through tax…)

In summary any basic common requirement for our civilised communal existence whether a “complete” service or an enabling component of “infrastructure” should surely be paid for up front by tax. The real focus should be on where we draw the lines between these three tiers – it is this that should form the basis of public debate and not the side show issues the political parties would rather have distracted us with. Much easier to respond to the symptoms of a problem (eg: a one-off tax on bankers bonuses) than deal with the underlying issue (eg: the absence of any meaningful controls within the banking sector).

Toilets are non-optional. We all need to use them (apart from Noel Edmunds). Are we as a society saying that only people with money (however little) can use public toilets? Are we saying that only people with the right change can use public toilets? That is what the local authorities are inferring – is this their official guidance? Are they seriously telling people they should pop into pubs/cafes/shops and use the facilities there and if so what do those businesses have to say? Are we meant to “hold on” – pregnant women, small children, elderly people or even (dare I say it) healthy young males, and if so is this advice sanctioned by the British Medical Association? I’m guessing the City Council wouldn’t tolerate hordes of people using the Derwent as a means of relief, so which of the aforementioned options are they recommending?

Likely response from local businesses
Likely response from local businesses

Yes it costs money to provide a public convenience and yes we expect to pay for it. But let’s pay equally, fairly and up front via our taxes. Let’s afford all of our citizens the dignity they deserve and regulate our civic affairs with a little bit of class. This is not an optional service in the same way that brakes are not optional when you buy a car. Yes, people may have less disincentive to use the toilets for drug taking, vandalism, etc – but that’s a separate problem to be addressed on its own merits. We don’t ban young people from walking the streets with mobile phones just because they may be more vulnerable to mugging. The Daily Mail will no doubt come around to this suggestion soon.

Grafitti
Yung pEpul init, wot doin grafiti. No respec. Sawt it out daily mail – bang us 2 rites bro

When all’s said and done the current debate may just be about public conveniences but dig a little deeper and what’s at stake are the values we are demanding from those that administer our public affairs. These are the same values that determine whether or not your children go to a disfunctional school, whether your local hospital is clean or whether private organisations are given free reign to charge whatever they please for essential fuels.

I know people have different opinions on this matter but there is one thing we can all agree on – we can’t trust local or national authorities with their vested political and personal interests to look after our needs with impartiality.

Playing the name game

In case you haven’t already heard the news, the people have voted. What they have voted for is to name part of Derby’s new ring road extension “Lara Croft Way”. For those from out of town Lara Croft was illiterally conceived in Derby in 1993 as the star of local company Core Design’s new Tomb Raider computer game. The character spawned a series of sequel games generating a massive global fan base and a few years later the impossibly dimensioned character jumped from console screen to big screen in the guise of improbably proportioned Angelina Jolie.

Lara Croft
Lara Croft

The poll was conducted online and a massive 89% of the vote was in favour of this choice. I’m greatly in support of this decision, not because I ever played the game, rated the films or worship Angelina (the calendar of her at work is purely coincidental). It is wholly appropriate recognition of the sort of endeavour that has come to characterise local creative industries and in the process is redefining the city on the world stage.

Derby has a long tradition of involvement in the genesis and adoption of new technology so it bemuses me to hear a section of the local community objecting to the naming decision on grounds that it is facile or tacky. They fail to understand that the computer gaming industry is a huge commercial business attracting young and old, male and female and that Lara Croft is a brand known and affectionately thought of around the world. There is a natural progression here from preceding local luminaries including the first Astronomer Royal John Flamsteed, painter Joseph Wright, Erasmus Darwin (father of…), nurse Florence Nightingale and of course Tim Brooke-Taylor.

Presumably the moaning protestors would have been happy if the road had been named after 18th century civil servant Sir Dudley Dull who once passed through the city and was later credited with the invention of dust.

Angelina visiting McTurks kebab house in Derby yesterday
Angelina visiting McTurks kebab house in Derby yesterday

Whatever your viewpoint we can all look forward to a continuous supply of puns on the local travel reports once the road is opened and subject to breakdowns, congestion and other arterial ailments. There is even wild optimistic talk that Ms Jolie may be persuaded to fly over and open the road, although that seems more improbable than the film plot. I wouldn’t buy the game or purchase a ticket to see the film, but you know I think I would pay to listen to her agent trying to sell that idea to her.

Your fortunes for 2010 revealed…

Lets be honest, 2009 was a stinker for me and not great for many of my friends. In fact if I had kept the receipt it would have gone back. Anyway, its over now and in a long tradition that I am starting today it is time to look forward to the coming year with a few predictions. Obviously I can’t normally see into the future but something amazing and special came into my possession recently that has bestowed upon me a magical far eastern power to do precisely that…

A sacred portal into the future that no mortal was meant to see has journeyed from distant China and chosen me as it’s guardian. Unknowns there are many. How was the journey made? Why am I the chosen one? Why even share these secrets? Over the Christmas period I have wrestled with these questions and although I have no answers I know this – it is my destiny to share with the world the ancient wisdom imparted by the scriptures within the sacred object! This unworldly oracle entered into my life discretely, bundled into a small bag alongside a Hot & Sour Soup and Singapore Fried Rice courtesy of the Hong Kong Chinese takeaway. Now I share it via my blog to YOU and to ALL of the other three readers.

At first I didn’t realise what I had within my hands. It was oblong and box shaped and yet it refused to reveal its’ secrets. I was unable to breach the container – it was as if it was bound by some form of magic seal. I stumbled by chance across the magic words that broke the seal. The box fell to the floor and as I uttered “oh bugger” it landed and fell open, released from its spell. Here then is the device, in the form of a 2010 calendar with complimentary notepad…

Mysterious oracle
Mysterious oracle

Within the “calendar” are prophecies for each of us, grouped by Chinese birth sign. Each sign is a mighty animal and every one of us is aligned to just one such beast by the year of our birth. On this very page are the precisely transcribed words that will shape your year and the year of everybody on this planet. Drink deep from the cup of knowledge, but remember that such power can be used for malevolence as well as benevolence. Knowledge is nothing without wisdom…

Tiger
1914, 1926, 1938, 1950, 1962, 1974, 1986, 1998

Tiger

Career
Working pressure is high. Easily get hurt by “villain” talking behind your back, the “back-stabbers”. And keep a low profile.

Fortune
A sluggish situation, try not to be opportunistic. Stave off money loan or you cannot escape from the fetters.

Romance
Distracted; the development of relationship is like rowing upstream, must be cautious.

Rabbit
1915, 1927, 1939, 1951, 1963, 1975, 1987, 1999

Rabbit

Career
Smooth and of great momentum. It is time to strive for further development, hardworking and promising.

Fortune
Being prosperous, you may pioneer your own enterprise or invest on property. Beware of avarice and arrogance of wine and sex, for it might cause you loss of money

Romance
Busy with social activities, you are gaining good impression upon others. Can easily devleop congenial sentiments towards the opposite sex.

Dragon
1916, 1928, 1940, 1952, 1964, 1976, 1988, 2000

Dragon

Career
Stay away from nosiness. Do not argue with superiors and be cautious when talking. Cultivate quietly to overcome the hardship.

Fortune
Badly-off situation, keep savings and should broaden sources of income and reduce expenditure.

Romance
Filled with emptiness, difficult to develop relationship. Loaded with heavy heart but no one to talk to

Snake
1917, 1929, 1941, 1953, 1965, 1977, 1989, 2001

Snake

Career
Able to turn disaster into luck and happiness. Do not take any chance or else you may face lawsuits.

Fortune
Abide by the presence and should not make any move. Be cautious when making acquaintances. Beware of “moneyed pitfall”

Romance
It is difficult to get along with others and easily having conflicts. Take the initiative to communicate with more people.

Horse
1918, 1930, 1942, 1954, 1966, 1978, 1990, 2002

Horse

Career
Yielding twice the result with half the effort. It is because of great support from friends of eminence. Stay away from “villain”. Do not offend the law.

Fortune
A prosperous and fruitful year with big improvement in luck. Keep a low profile with the money made.

Romance
Sentiment love life is blank. Sweet and tender words will not affect much to have effect on lover. Try not to be too critical and stubborn.

Sheep
1919, 1931, 1943, 1955, 1967, 1979, 1991, 2003

Sheep

Career
With great improvement in luck, career is promising. Yet you should not make it widely known. Keep in low profile.

Fortune
Luck is being unhindered, yet you should be aware of the leak in finance. Be cautious in handling money and avoid overspending

Romance
Easy to attract the opposite sex. With happiness comes with joyous occasions, you become cheerful. Still, do not get confused because of with plenty of choices.

Monkey
1920, 1932, 1944, 1956, 1968, 1980, 1992, 2004

Monkey

Career
With ups and downs, yet it is good to develop outward abroad. You may turn disaster into good fortune if you handle your problems calmly

Fortune
Inadequate and unsatisfactory, it may cause heavy financial damages if you do not tap new financial resources.

Romance
Discrepancy will occur between lover. Should take it very easy and do not drive your emotion to a dead end.

Rooster
1921, 1933, 1945, 1957, 1969, 1981, 1993, 2005

Rooster

Career
Luck is smooth. It is time to show your talent. Avoid being greedy for it is the reason to cause loss.

Fortune
Prosperous, it is good chance to make great fortune. Still, you must handle your money carefully and aware of the sudden “flow away” loss

Romance
Easy to gain good impression from others, coincidentally. It might bring damages to both parties if the emotion is out of control.

Dog
1922, 1934, 1946, 1958, 1970, 1982, 1994, 2006

Dog

Career
Luck is down on you. Development is halted because of numerous restraint.

Fortune
Economy is at low ebb. Be cautious to handle the finance.

Romance
Relationship between friends is not in harmony. Easy to offense people because of your unpredictable temper and moodiness.

Boar
1923, 1935, 1947, 1959, 1971, 1983, 1995, 2007

Boar

Career
The luck star is ascendant and will turn the disaster into happiness. Grip the chance to strive for progress. Do mind your inappropriate words for they might bring damages. Do not show off your fortune.

Fortune
Money pours in many resources with excess. Still keep close look at your finance.

Romance
Good at making acquaintances and particularly in attracting the opposite sex. Beware of the meddler who might jeopardise the good course of true love.

Rat
1924, 1936, 1948, 1960, 1972, 1984, 1996, 2008

Rat

Career
Too many variables lie ahead. Should try to suit the circumstances adapt in order not to be eliminated. Easy to get involved in litigation, stay away from the gossipmongers.

Fortune
Luck goes in-and-out, comes and goes, unstable. It is not wise to make big investment for it might be a total loss.

Romance
Feeling lonely and solitary, it is difficult to find a soul mate. Open your mind and socialise actively.

Ox
1925, 1937, 1949, 1961, 1973, 1985, 1997, 2009

Ox

Career
There will be many obstacles to success. Must strengthen your ability and double your effort or else you might collapse after serious setback. Do not by any means offend your superior, for it might jeopardise your career.

Fortune
Money goes and will be peculated easily. Be cautious to manage your finance.

Romance
Rich in sentiment, sweet and tenderly. Still it remains to be a lukewarm relationship. Try not to be too concerned, for it is no good to extort.

…so the secrets are out. I’m a rooster so for me it’s looking good on the job front and I may have some luck with the ladies but I have to keep a look out for the “flow away” loss this year. I hope things go well for you too – Happy New Year!