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Posts Tagged ‘Golden Mullet’

German Pain As Spain Reign

If you backed the prediction of Paul the psychic octopus at the bookies you would be squids in. He predicted a Spain win so the calamari is on hold, for now at least.


Results – Wednesday 7th July

  Semi Final Spain 1 – 0 Germany
Post Match Review
 This was never going to be the 90 minute classic some people were expecting. Spain held the majority of posession but looked unclinical in the final third. Germany were solid but their ocassional thrusts were met with the sort of reliable defending they hadn’t yet encountered in this competition.

Spain had the best of the few chances that were created and it was no surprise that the goal when it came was scored by a central defender – Puyol heading home from a corner. They should have doubled their lead when through 2 on 1 but Pedro reverted to Spanish sterotype by trying to beat the solitary defender instead of squaring to the spare man. Ultimately it didn’t matter – the Germans rarely troubled Casillas in goal and can have no complaints.

So now we know how the the finalists and whether Spain or Holland come out on top on Sunday we will have new World Cup winners – neither have lifted the trophy before.

View from the sofa

Spain beat Germany. Blah blah blah.

The really big news is that I am now about to announce the winner of the World Cup Golden Mullet competition! Back on June 20th I asked you to choose your top three worst ever hair disasters in World Cup history from a choice of 12 contenders. The moment of truth has arrived and I can announce the top three worst hair happenings as chosen by an expert judge (me).
Golden Mullet

Golden Mullet


Taribo West

Taribo West

In third place I have chosen former Nigerian defender Taribo West. Don’t get me wrong, we are talking about not only a very fine footballing talent but a true humanitarian responsible for great acts of charity and compassion towards his less well off fellow countrymen. Good deeds can only go so far however and there can be no defence for this hairstyle homage towards a little girl’s doll.

Second place Goes to the former Portugal and Everton enigma Abel Xavier. What can you say about the calimatous coiffure that you see before your eyes? What exactly (or even vaguely) was he trying to achieve? You see this is only part of the story. The lad has form – he’s had more bizarre hair arrangements than Avram Grant has had massages. I think it just comes down to the fact he wasn’t that great a player so had to make the news in different ways.
Abel Xavier

Abel Xavier


Ronaldo

Ronaldo

In this judges view first place is firmly taken by none-other than beaver toothed pie fancying Ronaldo (the original Brazilian one – not the car crashing, dive meister from Portugal). What can you say about this, this – thing. I’m genuinely trying to say something incisive or witty but for once words truly fail me. There may be some logic. Perhaps he thought that a totally dumb-assed removal of hair from the forehead back would distract people from his unfortunate teeth. However, the net result is that you notice both of these features instead of just the one. The knob.



Congratulations go to our winner Jim Patraeus of New Bedford MA. Jim didn’t agree with my ratings – in fact he didn’t actually enter the competition at all – but he did ask me for advice about a washing line, which was the closest thing to a competition entry that I received.

Jim “wins” the fabulous prize of the ball that has been in my garage for a few years. As promised I have faked a number of footballing signatures on the ball plus – for Jim’s personal appreciation – some Stateside tags: Abe Lincoln, Bill Shatner, Elvis and MC Hammer.

Signed Ball

Signed Ball

The ball would be in the post if I had your address but instead it’s back in my garage. Eat your heart out Jules Rimet.

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FIFA – Football’s Axis of Evil

There may be no game tonight or tomorrow but I’m in London all day Thursday so Scientific Siegfried will be looking forward to Fridays quarter finals matches a little early. As it happens I’m off to Lancaster Gate for discussions and if it all goes well I may have some FAB news for you in my next update! I’ve already said too much…

Finally before you launch into tonight’s grammatical crime wave here’s a reminder about my Golden Mullet World Cup competition

Golden Mullet

Golden Mullet

There’s a fabulous prize for the winner so if you haven’t entered yet click on the golden mullet above for the hairy scary details.


Fixtures – Friday 2nd July

  Quarter
Finals
Holland vs Brazil
    Uruguay vs Ghana
Gazza’s Daily Football Factoids
 Football was brought to Ghana as early as 1888 by visiting sailors but you probably have never heard of any of their top domestic teams. This is a shame because there have been some wonderful team names competing at the top level, such as: Hearts Of Oak, Eleven Wise, Great Olympics, Heart Of Lions, King Faisal Babes and my personal favourite Mysterious Dwarfs.
Scientific Siegfried’s Rational Assessment Of Football Results
Scientific Siegfried I haff been asked to bring to you this report one day early. This is most irregular and zer has not been time for me to conduct my pre-match analysis vith the appropriate rigour. My assessments provided with that context are as follows.

Holland against Brazil is what you Englanders call “ein tuff nut to crack” because each team has comparable team metrics. Regardless it is my judgement that when die grossen Frau sings there is the polka dancing in the strassen of Rio. Also more satisfaction in a job efficiently achieved will be for the happening in Montevideo with more polka dancing with also some Wagner. This is consequential of Uruguay beating Ghana though more unity in football playing as the team.

It is my considered opinion that today I am feeling down and hip mit der kinder. Exchange with me some skin Jimmy Hill. For this I reward myself a large amount of Gugelhupf cake.

Pre Match Comment
Most eyes may be on the big match as Holland take on Brazil but spare a thought for Uruguay and Ghana. One of these teams will take an unlikely berth in the semi finals. Could we see an African team in a world cup final? Might little Uruguay – a country inhabited by just 3 million people – make their first finals appearance since they won the competition in 1930? We could even have an all South American semi-final line-up. You would have got long odds on that 3 weeks ago.

View from the sofa

Since I started my world cup blog barely a day has gone by when somebody has asked me whether there actually is a sofa or whether I really do share it with high profile footballing dignitaries while taking in the matches. Well just to put this sort of speculation to bed here is a picture of me tonight on THE sofa…

View Of The Sofa

View Of The Sofa

Obviously there is no game tonight so I don’t have the normal crowd around. In fact I’m just taking in highlights of the Grand Prix now I have half a chance…

View From The Sofa

View From The Sofa

Let’s put something else straight. Just because I’m a single bloke watching every waking minute of world cup action it doesn’t mean I have knee deep in filth. Look – I have even tidied behind the sofa…

View Behind The Sofa

View Behind The Sofa

…I never did finish that book. So now when you are next reading view from the sofa you really will be able to picture that actual sofa and imagine the scene! I like to make you feel a part of my little journeys you see.

FIFA embarrassed yet again

Football’s world governing body FIFA – widely regarded to be the fourth member of the axis of evil – has once again found itself under fire. Their luddite insistence in rejecting the use of video technology during games has been shown in all of it’s absurdity several times during the tournament but “cock-up Sunday” marks a new zenith.

First a Frank Lampard shot comes off the bar and is seen by everybody in the ground except the officials to go a full yard over the line, but the goal is not given. Everyonw including the fourth official has seen it but the referee “is not allowed” to change his decision.

Later the same day Carlos Tevez puts Argentina ahead when he is clearly offside. The linesman doesn’t flag and the understandably furious Mexican players crowd around the linesman and ref pointing at the big screen as it replays the infringement. It’s obvious from the facial expressions of the officials that they realise they have got it wrong so what happens? They referee points to the spot – one nil.

The game generates untold millions around the world. There is a huge amount riding on these games for the fans (remember them?) and the vast majority of people who aren’t FIFA employees want the use of technology such as video replays and goal-line sensors to be considered. Earlier this year FIFA said it would not budge, insisting that the way the game is played should be the same at international level as at park level.

They are wrong for any number of reasons. The most obvious reason is that the sheer injustice of clearly incorrect decisions going unchecked – as in Sundays fixtures – makes a global mockery of the game. The notion that officiating standards are currently universal is also bunk. You don’t see park games adjudicated with the aid of headsets or 4th officials. Often the linesmen are unqualified volunteers and sometimes there aren’t even nets or corner flags.

Since cock-up Sunday Sepp Blatter has apologised to England and Mexico and said that in light of those matches FIFA will review their stance on technology. This is more evil manipulation on his part – using the situation to his political advantage. Firstly his suggestion that FIFA may backtrack purely on the basis of these two incidents is totally disingenuous – these sort of things go on in major leagues around the world every week but they don’t generate the same level of bad publicity as a game in a world cup setting. Secondly he has little intention of changing anything – it is just a political pawn he can use to his advantage in the forthcoming FIFA elections.

The world’s most popular and wealthy sport is run by unaccountable amateurs with political self-interest at the heart of their decision making. Individuals will always make mistakes – people are only human – but it takes an organisation to perpetuate and institutionalise failure.

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Bad Hair Day

The games continue to come thick and fast and each day they get better-er and more dramatic-er. Could we be about to see Italy get knocked out in the group stage? Who cares – the real excitement comes with the news that today I launch my Golden Mullet competition where you can win a very special prize.

Golden Mullet Award

Golden Mullet Award

Scroll down for the sad facts…

Results – Sunday 20th June

  Group F: Slovakia 2 – 0 Paraguay
  Group F: Italy 1 – 1 New Zealand
  Group G: Brazil 3 – 1 Ivory Coast

Fixtures – Monday 21st June

  Group G: Portugal vs North Korea
  Group H: Chile vs Switzerland
  Group H: Spain vs Honduras
Gazza’s Daily Football Factoids
 A match between Honduras and El Salvador in 1970 resulted in a three day war. They should have reverted to penalties.
Mystic Ron’s World Cup Horoscope
Mystic Ron The plucky performance of North Korea has caught everyone’s imagination and I have broken out a very special packet of Tunnocks Teacakes to accompany their performance. The tarot cards have told me to expect a surprise draw in that fixture. Would you believe it?! Group H pits Libran Chile against Sagitarius Switzerland so there will be miscommunicated between them, possible resulting in a tiff. Chile will win. Mighty Spain will finally get three points on the board against Honduras, with their sign entering the 11th solar thingymajig. Or something.
Pre Match Comment
Not many people expected Spain to have to break sweat in this group but if they lose tomorrow it’s a bus ride to Jo’burg airport. I’m particularly looking forward to seeing Chile in action again. Their attacking play was refreshing to watch last time out, while North Korea will also be taking a lot of new fans with them into their match against Portugal following their last display against Brazil. Can they beat Ronaldo’s team and blow the group wide open?

View from the sofa

Yet another super-power comes a cropper at these finals. World champions Italy held to a draw by New Zealand ranks as the shock of the tournament so far. Football in NZ has such a low profile that a game against fiercest rivals Australia only attracted a crowd of 500 people so today’s result is astonishing. Paraguay proved that their last performance was no fluke with a skilfull and well deserved win over a rigid Slovakia while Brazil beat Ivory Coast in a feast of a game.

The Brazilians played some joyful stuff in patches with central defenders running the line and putting crosses in from the corner flag while Sven’s Ivory Coast weren’t without menace of their own, but Drogba’s goal proved only a consolation. Brazil are through to round 2 but have an anxious wait to find out how serious Elano’s leg injury is – a genuine injury amidst a plethora of rather pathetic dives and “simulations”. The signs for him weren’t good.

Golden Mullet Competition

Ask yourself a question: What would a World Cup be without bad hair? Which young boy hasn’t watched a finals game and not dreamed that one day he too could have a hairstyle just like one of his TV heroes?

To celebrate bad hair from around the footballing world I’m today launching my Golden Mullet competition. It’s simple to play and anyone can enter. All you have to do is decide on the three worst barnets from the gallery below. E-mail your top three choices in order from 1 (your nomination for worst Golden Mullet) to 3 (third worst) and the entry that most closely matches my expert opinion will win a very special prize. Yes, the winner will receive a football – and not just any football. This is THE football that has been sitting in my garage THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE world cup. Just think about that…

Super Prize

Super Prize

If that wasn’t enough, I will fake the signatures of some of football’s great players. It’s a unique prize, so what are you waiting for?! Judging will take place on Thursday 8th July if I remember and the winner will receive the ball in person or by post unless it’s expensive or inconvenient. The judge’s decision is final and questionable.

Here are your contenders:

Roberto Baggio
Roberto Baggio
Team: Italy

Style:
My Little Pony

Miguel Barreira
Miguel Barreira
Team: Portugal

Style: Pineapple

Team: USA

Style: Satanic

Alexi Lalas
Alexi Lalas
Team: Brazil

Style: Lobotomy

Ronaldo
Ronaldo
David Seaman
David Seaman
Team: England

Style: Mr Pringle

Carlos Valderama
Carlos Valderama
Team: Columbia

Style:
Muppet Show

Team: Germany

Style: Porn Star

Rudi Voller
Rudi Voller
Team: Nigeria

Style: Big girl

Taribo West
Taribo West
Abel Xavier
Abel Xavier
Team: Portugal

Style: Inexplicable

Christian Zeige
Christian Zeige
Team: Portugal

Style: Mr T

What are you waiting for? Put that Alice Band down and get that entry emailed…

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