World Cup – Sunday 27th June

Football’s Coming Home. Unfortunately.

You know the result. You know the performance. You probably have a good idea of the reasons. In times of darkness like these I can always find solice in a picture of a pig…

Is that better?

Results – Sunday 27th June

England 1 – 4 Germany
    Argentina 3 – 1 Mexico
Post Match Review

Fixtures – Monday 28th June

Holland vs Slovakia
    Brazil vs Chile
Gazza’s Daily Football Factoids
 Did you know that famous 80’s footballer Alan Brazil changed his name because he was such a fan of Brazilian football? He was so impressed by their football as a youngster that he changed his name by deed poll from Alan Scotland.
Scientific Siegfried’s Rational Assessment Of Football Results
Scientific Siegfried Attention Englanders. For you ze world cup ist over!

Your Mystic Ron is here no more. He was, how you say – “a fraud”. Now that the Fatherland have triumphed over your sorry boys I am taking over the predictions. This will be done with science. None of your silly astrology nonsense.

Tomorrow vill be a vin for Holland uber the Slovakia – because they are the superior team. Also, Brazil zey are to beat Chile. Both teams have gutt players but Chile are having less players suspended due to infringements. These are my considered opinions although they are subject to chance.

Now I will sit on this sofa and consume some battenburg cake. Whose poodle is this? It is pathetic.

View from the sofa

Beckenbauer was right. Not about kick and rush, but he said England were stupid and he has a point. We let ourselves get thrashed by a reasonable German side. There are only German 2 players who would get in the England first XI – Lahm and Ozil. How did we let this result happen? How did we let a rocky German defence get away untested for so much of the match? Why has Rooney been so anonymous?

Take a look at the opposing benches. Fabio Capello the strict disciplinarian with his inflexible systems foisted upon players who are forced to play out of position. When it’s not working he replaces like for like. Joachim Lowe the relaxed but passionate communicator gets the best out of his players. They are well drilled and play to their strengths. His young players are encouraged to express themselves and the team play with flexibility and confidence.

It can’t all be Capello’s fault. The clueless defending and almost unfathomable lack of pace or marking when on the back foot could be down to a long premiership season. The buck must stop with him however. If he had taken the players at his disposal and built a system around them that utilised their strengths we would surely have achieved so much more, and the fans would have excepted whatever limitations remained. We might have shipped some soft goals but in most matches we would have scored more than we conceded.

He has to go, and I’m not one to jump on such a popularist bandwagon. So many aspects of his management left onlookers bemused and the performances and results didn’t justify his actions. A metaphor for the chronic failure of his management style could be seen on the pitch when trailing 3-1 and needing to push forward at any cost he takes off the dangerous pace of Defoe and brings on the impotent Heskey. It completed an ironic circle given that it was his controvertial inclusion of Heskey on the England squad that resulted in Rio Ferdinand being crocked in training, resulting in the loss of any pace in our defence. The butterfly effect.

For what it’s worth Lampard’s disallowed goal was a good yard over the line and it’s another nail in FIFA’s farcical “we don’t need technology” stance. If the goal had stood if would have been 2-2 and the match might have run differently although it’s clear that our ingrained problems would only have caught us short around the next corner.

It’s over. The inquests will begin. Good luck to Germany. Their defensive frailties will be exposed by Argentina in the next round and this will only serve to emphasise our failure to play to our considerable strengths.

All along we were afraid of failure but only now will the England squad realise that what they should have been afraid of was under-achievement. We were stupid.

Captain Pugwash Woe is me! We be holed beneath the waterline and taking on water fast. I fear the old girl has a date with Davy Jones’s Locker. Twas a skirmish too far for the lads and they were over-run by a German man-o-war. Tis a dark day but the game is up. Abandon ship! Swim north lads, swim north! If the tide is with us we may be back to blighty in time to see Andy Murray lose at Wimbledon. Aargh!

Sick-as-a-parrot-ometer 27 June